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  • Nisah Razad

Ceremony of Rebirth: Overcoming Fear



There comes a time when you feel that enough is enough. Our usual ways of dealing with things suddenly become a hindrance to our freedom of being. Our usual ways are comfortable, familiar and safe, except when you realise that it does not offer growth, authentic confidence and liberation.


I’d like to share with you a story of my rebirth. It had been brewing for some time and I had known it was coming. I could feel it in the spaces of my inner knowing. It was in the core of every particle of my body which essentially belongs to the universe and is connected to everything else; animal, plant, fungi, the living, the dead and the cosmos.


Of course I didn’t know what the feeling was exactly or how it was going to affect my life, I just knew that big change was coming. Every time I made the right decision that aligned with my values a magical door would open changing my physical world; life circumstances and events. I believe it’s pure magic as confirmation that I am listening well and that I can continue to listen.


Fear

For most of my life I had been living in the finite range of what I believed to be acceptable. I was confined to the limitations of fear and insecurity. Fearful of what others would think of me, fearful that I would lose a false identity, fear of being judged, of not fitting in, of not belonging, of being mocked, rejected, and ultimately, fear that I would not be loved. And these fears had a major impact on my decision making processes.


For so long the fear controlled my freedom to just be. I would always downplay who I was because I didn’t want to seem too confident, too much, too crazy. I’d put on a really nice outfit and think, hmm maybe this is too much for the occasion even though the dress was screaming to be worn. I pretended that I liked Backstreet Boys and all those poppy things as a child, when really I liked none of the music options the other kids liked. I’d wear my hair differently and then change it because I didn’t want to attract attention. I was the nice, shy girl with the good manners, nice and quiet, just blending in.


This suppression of myself as a child is so profoundly alive within my adult self as an embedded and lively wound. The wound as the nice little girl, crying to be released from the imprisonment created by fear for far too long. As I began to clearly see the insecurities for what they really were, I began to feel my readiness to let go of those fears. I realised what I needed to do but that itself required courage and bravery.


Freedom From Fear

Through the practice of self-compassion, of universal and unconditional love, I have learnt that I am enough and I am worthy just as I am. Through feeding that belief I realised that I don’t need to feel afraid of losing anything, because I have everything within my self. Through the cultivation of compassion and love I have attracted a wonderful set of support; my family and friends who have a massive role to play in my life. I wouldn’t have had my loving husband if I had not forgiven him through the resentment I felt toward him in the past.

The choices you make are fundamental to how your life can play out. Your attitude in those choices matter just as much. You cannot decide to go with your gut and unconsciously or consciously doubt the process. The practice of listening and the cultivation of self-awareness and silence is the embodying presence that can guide you through your choices harmoniously. The right choices, you must know, can sometimes be the most difficult to endure.


I had always known that one day I’d rock the bald but back then I thought that it would happen way later in life when vanity steps away, and I’m left on the porch swing cackling at inside jokes to myself. I didn’t realise it was a necessary intervention that would facilitate the process of my rebirth. My thoughts on the matter were: if I am to face my fears head on every day I will need to do something that will force me to do it without anywhere for me to hide in my old ways. So, I decided it was time to shave my head and get to the bare naked truth of who I really am.


Letting Go

The day before the ceremony, I approached my husband and said “I’m ready”. He gave me a look of uncertainty and it took him a while to accept the information. I completely understood his apprehension but this was not about keeping anybody else happy anymore. So I informed him that I will do this with or without his support. This was my first step in breaking out of that cage of needing acceptance from the outside.


I believe my husband and I have cultivated a relationship that is constantly striving for improvement based on the fundamental principles of unconditional love. He later came to me with a hundred percent support which I acknowledged was a courageous act in itself, and for that I am so grateful.


I contacted my soul food; the friends who continue to create a safe space and have witnessed me in my most vulnerable moments. Like the strike of lightening they were there, enabling me to open the heart centre with ease. The ceremony began with a small meditation, cacao in hand to unite us as one. Here I laid out my wounds in between the intensity of the pain and asked my loved ones to reflect within themselves if these wounds strike a painful chord within their own harmony.


The fear I felt before the first tuft of hair was cut off was the fear of letting go. It reminded me of the time when I was so afraid to jump off the jetty into the ocean as a child. It was a few metres high and was a thrill for most kids but I was extremely petrified. I had stood on the pier for a whole entire day so afraid to let go. But this day was different, on the day that I was reborn I released this fear and I welcomed courage, bravery, truth and wholeness.


As I allowed the energy of the old ways to be released, I felt an overwhelming amount of peace. When all my hair was gone I felt lighter physically and lighter within myself. There were no remnants of fear. I had finally begun to experience freedom.



Deep Reflection Is The Path To Freedom

When I see an old photo of myself I now see another lifetime, another person. When I see my reflection in the mirror now I see limitless being. I see assertion and a fierce force that upholds my values and the boundaries needed to support it. Sometimes I catch myself in my old thought patterns. However, the physical actions I had carried out in shaving all my hair off has served as a beautiful reminder to who I really am. It is a reminder that I no longer have anyone else to please and perhaps, that indeed I never had anyone to please in the first place and that this belief only existed within my own mind.


This ceremony was in honour of myself as a child who experienced the limitations of fear. It is a pledge to continue to face the fears and not be bound by them. In the western world we view time as linear but in eastern culture time is viewed as circular. As I embraced the wounds of the past, in circular time, I am also healing past generations and I am healing future generations. By breaking the bonds of this energetic imprisonment, I am allowing my children to be free in their being and allowing my mother to break out of her own confinements.


No more will my insecurities and old beliefs leak out from me towards my children. And let my actions stand as an example that we are, in actual fact, free. Who has given us the rules that confine us? Who says that a particular way is the right way to be? Why is it normal for women to wear dresses and not men? Why is it a shock for you to see a woman with no hair? Search deep and you shall find your freedom too.



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